At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
