I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
