Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
