Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize