I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
