Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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