Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
