tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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