your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
