he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this beer tastes like vomit already
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
