you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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