he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So much rum. So many feels.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
