Can i not drive my cunt home
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
