it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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