I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
