I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
