remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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