i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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