white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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