i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
