just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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