Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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