onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
