dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
