I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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