so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
