i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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