Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
