All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i barfeds in our rink
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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