You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
