I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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