Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
