HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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