I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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