can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
