im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize