I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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