this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
