Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I had to cum in my sink.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
