The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
