Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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