She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
