I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
