The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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