there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
