I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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