I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
