this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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