you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
