This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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