he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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