I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
