so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
