I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
