You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
