if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
