I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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