were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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