Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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