Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
