I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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