you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
