How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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