Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She announced her abortion via fbk
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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