A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
