at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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