Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
