Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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