And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
