when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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