The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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