ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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