just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
