Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
