Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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