My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
