omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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